Wtf dude!?! I’m pretty pissed with you right now. This New York Times article that describes how your company damages unsold items at the end of the season so that they cannot be resold and then disposes of these unworn goods as though they are trash is just heartbreaking.  [Deep breath]

How you gonna throw away new clothing like it’s pox ridden blanket? Like there aren’t tons of people, in all of the countries where your products are sold, that are in desperate need . What’s really good with that? No one in your organization could come up with a better idea for what to do with “leftovers”. Ummm… I hate to state the obvious but just donate the things! If you insist on slashing each piece with a razor, you could just as easily use a permanent marker to blot out your name on the tags like other companies do.

Or would it really be that awful for your image to see a homeless person wearing last season’s nondescript pea coat? Is this really better? I dunno dude, it kind of makes you seem like an unfeeling jerk. It’s bad business! I’m no H&R Block specialist but I’m pretty sure you could get a tax kickback for donating massive amounts of coats to cold children!

In the future, please be on the lookout for me and other scavengers. Armed with a needle, thread, AND A HEART, I’d be more than willing to sew up those ridiculous slash marks and donate the goods myself.

Your deeply disappointed and possibly former customer,

Jillian

UPDATE 1.7.10: H&M says they’re sorry, they didn’t mean to do it. The public doesn’t buy it.

Dear Duncan Phyfe,

If I could go back in time to the mid 1800s and somehow not have it be weird, I’d totally ask you to build me some furniture. I’m kind of obsessed with this mahogany sofa that you made in…1810(?). If the Metropolitan Museum of Art wouldn’t have me arrested, I’d sprawl right out. I don’t care if people think that you’ve been given too much hype and couldn’t possibly have created as many pieces as you get credit for. Haters to the left.  Just wanted to let you know that.

Your Admirer,

Jillian

Dear Marc Jacobs,

I have a question for you. When designing your Marc by Marc Jacobs Resort 2010 collection, did you do research by asking my mother for photographs of me in grades K-3? I mean no disrespect. I loved the Resort collection BECAUSE it reminded me of grades K-3, only meant for big kids! You always know just what to do with colors and prints! And I’m really glad that nothing looked too hard to wear – after all, it is Resort! I promise to save up my pennies for at least one of these pieces but um… if you wanted to send me a pair of those gold lace ups, I’d be ever so thankful!

Love always!!

Jillian

Source: NYMAG

You might not have had control over Lily’s wandering eye and to my knowledge no one referred to you as The Captain but you without a doubt ran shit.

Respect.

You could have been one of televisions most solid villains. I mean, you were ice cold. You wouldn’t even let your half-orphaned son live with you when you got remarried but you were willing to overlook your step daughter’s criminal past, which most definitely includes murder. Let’s not forget the MURDER!

Brrr!

You never even got the chance to build a relationship with Chuck only to sleep with the object of his affection in a season finale. What a tragically missed opportunity for drama. But, in these uncertain times, we must put our faith in the writers. Surely they must know why it was necessary to kill you when you’d only been given a season and a half to cause trouble.

Perhaps now the real underdogs, Erik and/or Vanessa, can manage to get five or six more lines per episode. Maybe even a storyline of their own?? If not, at least we can take comfort in the fact that your death has given Chuck seasons worth of angst. His voice has never been raspier or his expressions more brooding.

RIP

PS: Say hi to Mitch Leery and Abby Morgan for me.

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